Space

[Photograph: Big Frank Dickinson]

Space
By Big Frank Dickinson

"Space is the relationship between bodies." - - Alan Watts

I was talking to this guy at a Christmas party;
He was crowding me, getting inside the 3-foot mark,
And at that time, exactly, someone said about him:
“I had to tell him not to invade other’s space so much.”,
At which point I told him, “Yeah, you are kind of close.”
Then he went off on me, “I bare my soul and this is your response.”
Well, he was in my space to an unacceptable degree.
And even though he was telling me nice things about
My writing, and sharing vulnerabilities of his own . . .
Those are not justifications for invading social space!
He should know that mere acquaintances in a social
Setting stand 4-feet apart unless it's a crowded room which it wasn’t.
But he either did not know this or ignored it.
We all know the right amount of space to give others:
Four feet - that’s the American standard (not talking about toilets here either).
All things being equal, you stay four feet away from other Americans.
It’s different in India, Mexico, and Peru, but we were here so -
Twenty-five feet - that’s public space; socially - 4 feet,
Go inside that to less than 2 and you are getting very personal,
And when it’s less than 1 . . . you should be able to kiss.
Disregard these parameters and you are messing with people.
Lexical space? Same difference. The public lexicon will allow
Twenty-five emotional spaces: you can make an emotional comment,
But it had better be qualified times 25: for example, to a stranger -
“Would you mind if I told you that you seem to possibly be a very nice person?”
No offense taken . . . (a complement can be offensive and invasive!)
Socially: “You seem to me to be quite a nice person.”
Mark how inside four feet the language gets close: “You’re so nice!”
Closeness begets absoluteness - no qualification at all.
Then move closer - get absolutely intimate and here comes the
Directness that comes with contact: “I love you.” . . . Or (strangely)
The extremely personal diss works both publicly and intimately,
Whether to the irritating stranger who won’t leave you alone,
Or the lover who does - irritation . . . is spaceless.