Jokes That Have Never Produced Laughter

Big Frank has been reading John Hodgman's "The Areas of My Expertise". This book is really a book of lies, but interesting ones. Hogman states in the introduction: "Truth may be stranger than fiction, goes the old saw, but it is never as strange as lies. (Or for that matter, as true.) Proof of which maxim is the fact that I just made it up." In this amazing book Hogman includes matters historical, literary, cryptozoological, and much on hoboes, food, drink, squirrels, lobster, eels, haircuts, and what lots of information on what happens in the future.

One of Big Frank's favorite chapters is on jokes that nobody laughs at. Here is one that Hogman includes:

"A Duck goes into a pharmacy. He says to the pharmacist, "I need some ointment for my beak. It is very chapped. The pharmacist says, "We have nothin for ducks here."

Big Frank encourages you, kind reader, to tell this to your friends and check it out for yourself; it will not produce laughter. Big Frank also encourages you to write your own - it is not difficult. Here's one of Big Frank's own: "A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar. The rabbi orders a beer and is served. The priest orders a glass of wine and is served. The minister orders a whiskey, and the bartender tells him, 'We don't serve whisky'.

Konrad Stateside

Big Frank's son, Konrad, who spends most of his time in Warsaw or on top of mountains, is heading stateside. He and his sister, Gina, will be home for a couple of weeks. Big Frank is going to take some time off from work and the three of them are going to have some fun - big time fun together!

Super Sad True Love Story

Big Frank is reading a great novel by Gary Shteyngart: "Super Sad True Love Story". Like all super true, and super sad love stories it is indeed super sad and super deluded. It takes place in a super sad future in which America has moved into a political nightmare where the Bipartisan Party - read sole source of power - reigns supreme and tyranizes the population. Everyone in the novel is constantly distracted by their "apparat" - read cell phone/computer/camera/etc. The main character - Lenny - falls hopelessly and foolishly in love with a Korean-American girl. The chapters alternate between his diaries and e-mail/texts of Eunice, his love interest. For anyone who has ever been in love with someone hopelessly unobtainable and who is also aware of the constant distraction of the "apparats" this is a great book - a sad critic of where we are and who we are.

E M Cioran

Big Frank recently read a short story by the late David Foster Wallace entitled “Backbone”. In it there is this great quotation from E. M Cioran in reference to the human heart, which he calls: “God’s open wound.” Not knowing anything about Cioran, Big Frank went digging, and here are a few quotations from him. Emil Cioran was a Romanian writer (1911 – 1995), who wrote in French.

What surrounds us we endure better for giving it a name — and moving on.

Man starts over again everyday, in spite of all he knows, against all he knows.

To Live signifies to believe and hope — to lie and to lie to oneself.

We inhabit a language rather than a country.

We change ideas like neckties.

Life creates itself in delirium and is undone in ennui.

The obsession with God dislodges earthly love. One cannot love both God and a woman at the same time without being torn between them: they are incompatible with each other. One woman is enough to rid us of God, and God can rid us of all women.

Lucidity is the only vice which makes us free — free in a desert.

Ramblings on THE CAR

Big Frank has not been doing all that much musing lately. No really BIG thoughts have sprung from his mind. However, there have been a few small ones that have popped up every once in a while. For example, have you every wondered why it is that people look better in their cars than out of them? It's really true, and yet, who has their portrait taken in a car. And, as long as we are on the subject, why is it that generals (twentieth centry ones) haven't had their statues made of them riding in cars? The car is not getting its due. It plays such a big role in people's lives. People should have pictures of their cars on their desks (many spend more time with the car than with anyone else in their life). The car's photo should be on wallet sized photos in everyone's wallet. "Hey, wanna see some snapshots of my car?" How many times have you heard that question? There are more cars sleeping in people's houses (the garage is inside the house) than there are homeless people. Think about that. If the cars were moved out all homeless people would have a place to stay. What does that say about our country? And the car is the place of shelter, or quiet, a place for rumination, for phone conversations, for listening to tunes, and for experiencing the sense of flow (you're doing something - you're going somewhere - and you're feeling good about it - totally into it). Big Frank recently got lost in a subdivision, one of those windy places where every house looks the same and no road goes straight. Well, after driving around for 15 minutes or so, he saw a man sitting in his car in the driveway reading the National Geographic. Seriously this man was reading the National Geographic magaine in his car in his driveway. Big Frank stopped there and got directions, and couldn't help but ask the guy, "Excuse me for asking, but why are you reading the National Geographic in your car in your driveway at 8:00 pm at night." His answer: "It's nice a quiet out here - a good place to read."