It Is What It Is (Part 2)

It Is What Is (Part 2)
---- Big Frank Dickinson

Try to remember this: what you project
Is what you will perceive; what you perceive
With any passion, be it love or terror,
May take on whims and powers of its own.
Therefore a numb and grudging circumspection
Will serve you best . . .
---- Richard Wilbur

- I was wondering, Freeman, why do you have "It Is What It Is" on your business card. What does that have to do with your work?
- Madelyn, it's just a cliche, I know.
- So why put a cliche, on your card?
- Well, on one level it's a cliche, but underneath it there is a very apt message - for my line of work anyway.
- Yes, . . . ?
- People come to me with problems. They usually are able to resolve them, with my help, when they can see their situation as it really is: It is what it is . . . do you get it now?
- So, what you're saying is that what it is, is not what they are seeing.
- Exactly, what they come to me seeing is what it is not. The reason that it's a problem is that they are looking at it as it can't be for them. They want it to be what it should be for them, so I help them look at it as it is.
- OK, give me an example.
- Well, do you remember that woman that came to see me about deciding whether to take that job in Seattle, or stay here in Spokane?
- Yeah, I do; it seems that you really got into that one. You spent a lot of time with her. I thought it was a cut and dry case - she should move and take the new higher paying job.
- Well, that was one way of looking at it. It was more money for her. However, when I delved a little deeper into the situation it turned out that that wasn't what it was all about - that is not what it was. It wasn't about money; it wasn't about moving; it was about change. She wanted a change in her life and thought that a change in her job, and a change in her city would revitalize her. However, it was basically the same kind of work - more money, but the job was the same. It's probable that within one year or so she would have completely recreated exactly what it is that she had right here in Spokane. The only thing that would have changed would have been the name of the city she lived in: Seattle rather than Spokane. I discovered what it really was and when she saw that she stayed here.
- And . . . what was it?
- It was change - she wanted change. There were lots of more important things that she could change right here. So we drew up a list of what she spent her time on and with whom and then she made the changes. She has a much different life now - and she's happier. No more talk of moving!
- What kind of changes are you talking about?
- Well for one, she got rid of the guy that she had been seeing for over two years. He was taking up all her time and giving her nothing in return.
- You told her to dump her boyfriend?
- I didn't have to: when we laid out, where it is that she wanted to go, it was obvious that she wasn't going to get there with that lunkhead.
- That was the first big break, and then she started doing things that she had always talked about doing, but never had: traveling, joining a church, getting a new place to live, and meeting new people. Nothing all that big, when you look at them individually, but the whole package resulted in a lot of changes in her. One change begot another and the next thing you know . . . she liked her life! It is what it was! And what it was, was her being in rut! She climbed out of it.
- I wonder what the guy she dumps thinks of you? Did you ever think about that?
- Oh, well, I don't think he'll be coming to see me for advice any time soon!
- Do you know him?
- Well, actually I do. His name is Ron - he sells mattresses.
- No way! He's the one that got me out of the valley?
- You got it; and that was after their break up. Now that you mention it; you don't think that mattress is sagging a little do you?
- It is what it is!